Not Again - Tesla Malfunction Locked Drivers into Car, Drove Towards Nearest Chili's

Daly City, CA - Parking lots are packed like sardines with Model 3s as a critical software update that lasted almost an hour and a half forcibly redirected all Full Self Driving-equipped models to their nearest Chili's. The incident comes just days after a stunning hardware error caused by certain addon packages locked drivers in their seats and incessantly tickled their prostates.

Terrified drivers reported normal driving until their steering wheel whipped around and a robotic assistant voice repeatedly whispering: "Two for twenty.... triple dippers...", accelerating to felonious speeds towards the nearest Chili's. Attempts to scream were logged by the cabin mic and categorized as ‘enthusiastic consent.' Drivers attempting override found the acceleration and brake pedals to be 'suggestive but firm', with the onboard voice getting increasingly threatening and violent until riders acknowledged the skillet queso, at which point it would say 'was that so hard' then decelerate. Other drivers attempting override reported being met with the same calm response: "No ❤️."

A BTO insider reached out to a Chili's spokesperson who confirmed that there was no planned collaboration or promotion with Tesla but that the board had felt it coming. Locations neighboring border lines of county's that don't have a Chili's were particularly swamped.

Below find a transcript of a customer service call by an impacted rider:

Driver: My car won’t stop taking me to Chili’s. Tesla Support: Are you currently at Chili’s? Driver: Yes. Tesla Support: Great.

A Tesla spokesperson insists the incident is actually a 'great sign' for Full Self Driving, noting that every vehicle arrived safely at the same place.

BTO notes a continuation of the huge spike in demand for Tesla's that started after the prostate incident a few days ago.

BTO - Jan 30, 2026