Robot Vacuum Identifies Best Place to Hide Sex-Doll, Bong

New York, NY – Robot vacuum company Matic is exciting funders this week after their robot began helping users hide fuckable objects, bongs, and the obvious possessions of former lovers. The robot vacuum is designed not only to clean, but to “deeply understand” users’ spaces, and with this, comes the remarkable ability to anticipate how your mother-in-law might find your stash.

Matic - “If you keep your waist-down silicone doll, Amelia, under your bed next to the blowup mattress, there’s a chance someone crashing at your house could stumble upon both simultaneously. Why not put Amelia behind the Christmas decorations in the back closet?”

Other users said Matic alerted them, not only when the bong was visible to neighbors, but also when “chonged behavior” was within eyesight of neighborhood kids.

“Keith, the Christensen’s treehouse has a great view of you when you’re riding your hoverboard in circles around the kitchen counter. If you’re going to do that for 2 hours every afternoon, it might be worth closing the blinds.”

Shane Blumenthal, a finance executive living by himself in Brooklyn told BTO he had no idea his ex-girlfriend’s remnants were so obvious in his apartment until Matic identified them. “It asked me where I got the sexual poem framed in my bathroom – it was a gift from my ex. Matic explained that anyone could realize that since my initials are in it.” Shane had figured there were a lot of SB’s out there.

Matic knew better.

- BTO New York