Startup Raises $200BB Series A - Promises AI-first Fusion-powered Crypto-backed Cloud-native AI-second Big-data IoT-integratable AI-third Self-driving Solid State Batteries for the Supply Chain

Jan 6 (BTO) - You read that right. Was it as good for you as it was for our hungriest BTO insiders? Was it as good for you as it was for institutional investors? It must have done something for you. It did for me. I'm still spasming just writing this.

In a stunning victory for buzzword-hyphenators, this stealth startup has reportedly raised over $200 Billion in a single series A raise. Don't ask who works there. It's stealth, OK? We know all of the prestigious researchers are already accounted for. It confused us, too. The product announcement is baffling cynics who claim that this is 'irrefutable proof of an AI bubble' (BTO would never actually claim there's a bubble we promise please don't excommunicate our insiders). But the stealth CEO/Founder has an ace up their sleeve. The stunning competitive advantage, in their words?

'A cracked A-team of 13 year old Chinese boys.'

It's no secret that the tech haven of the San Francisco Bay Area makes use of the F1/H1B visa system to collate the best and brightest around the world. However, recent FUD around the visa process spurred by the Trump administration has caused founders to roll up their sleeves and meet talent needs themselves.

Following the common founder advice 'find the best and brightest', this stealth founder took a one-way flight to Shanghai with a single mission in mind. They spent 4 weeks prowling the city, assembling a super-team of what the founder brags as 'the best and tightest China has to offer'. Our insider pushed on the choice of the word 'tightest', and the CEO assured us their highest priority was to 'get the tightest individuals in the world in one room together, like Bell Labs'.

A tech immigration specialist we tapped for further analysis on this story is more critical: 'not only does hiring minors not get around the usual H1B application process, Swedish boys are tighter', but we're not so sure - is this stealth founder really on to something?

Will this research team actually implement what their founder claims they can? It remains to be seen. But, regardless of how it plays out, BTO will be there with the first scoop for you, our beloved readers.