BetterTechOpinions

San Mateo, CA - The Cloud Security Camera company Verkada had to shut down their new Booger Eater API Service on Thursday after the leadership of 60% of customers were found to be regular booger eaters. Prominent customers including Exxon Mobile, J.P Morgan Chase, Palantir, Bain & Co, and McKinsey were granted free access to the new AI-compilation product last week where employees quickly assembled montages of prominent employees eating boogers. “I didn’t realize how closely

San Francisco, CA – Hims Inc, the maker of the popular telehealth / E.D. pill delivery service, is sure your relationship issues are not that deep. New adverts clarify, “You guys are great together, everyone expects you to get married, let’s chalk this up to a biology problem.” The new Hims adverts encourage men and women minimally examine their relationships, especially those moving dangerously into ‘where’s the ring?’ territory. “Five years is a lot of time invested in on

Houston, TX – The AI tools which may solve cancer require the cancer-causing-machines to be turned all the way up, a new report clarifies. AI Hyperscaling datacenters are definitely spreading air pollution, but there is a really really small chance that they’re laying the groundwork for a disease-free world as well. “I'm pretty sure we're close,” says Jimmy Gregorio of AI imaging company Imagene. “Fortunately, the rate at which we can experiment with AI has increased right

This week Scale AI and Meta Inc revealed a deal that will heat up the AI for Babies race immensely. “ChatGPT for Babies,” is just over the horizon and the public’s anticipation is at an all-time high for the product that will “allow every baby to flourish.” A BTO insider from Scale AI told us that to make the AI baby product safe and accurate, some 100 million ‘oos’ and ‘ahhs’ will need to be labeled by real babies, preferably somewhere cheap like the Philippines. This incl

Legal firms across the us are using tools like CoCouncil and Harvey AI to shift the way they do work - away from backlogs and tedious review, towards the high level storytelling that drives results. "Harvey AI streamlines high-volume legal work," says Lisa Turner, a senior associate at A&O Sherman, "This lets us focus on strategic guidance and faster execution." When asked what that means, Turner said, "You know, strategic guidance." James McNerney, a junior associate in New

Dec 17 (BTO) - An appointed joint special committee by Miss Vicky, Kettle and dark horse Zapps is in talks to invest in Sora-maker OpenAI in a shocking deal that could value the AI trendsetter at more than $1 gajillion, a BTO insider said earlier this week. Industry sentiment is in free-fall as talks of an AI 'bubble' become more commonplace outside of niche internet circles. Rumors of a new deal with OpenAI, Miss Vicky, Kettle, Zapps, are injecting fresh energy into the mark

A new AI-Powered reading platform, Ello, is doing really well in Nairobi, Kenya we promise. The company has been testing its new AI reading tutor at 20 large elementary schools, completely upending the way reading and writing was taught to first and second graders. This unprecedented experiment is happening so far away that you’re going to have to just trust that it’s working out phenomenally. Take these carefully selected metrics and glowing quotes to get you excited. El

So I asked my lead agent: "Hey, I saw you guys are all partying together, mind if I join? After this big launch of course." The response?

San Francisco, CA – As the AI Gold Rush continues, It's the people making the proverbial "shovels" which are set to make a fortune. AI infrastructure is the talk of the town, and BTO's comprehensive survey of branded puffy vests confirms this massive influx of capital. Connor Peggy, the COO of a startup building a large suite of AI deployment tools, knows he's in the right place. “Everywhere I turn, there are financers looking for investment opportunities in AI infrastruct

A shocking joint release by American tech industry giants in concert with a stratospheric retail boost from Black Friday / Cyber Monday / Giving Tuesday / Wumbly Tummy Wednesday has markets soaring, promising a bold new future for investors. CEOs Sam Altman and Jensen Huang introduced 'Ovoid Financing' - a distinctly non-circular approach to financing - on the latest episode of Stripe cofounder's weekly podcast Cheeky (Non-alcoholic) Pint. Elated executives say that the new

AI AI AI AI. AI? AI.

Across the US, venture capital firms are reporting enormous increases in logged hours and dinner bills as the thought of AI consumes...

Is there a simple formula for everlasting purity, economic prosperity, and flourishing on earth? For Dr. Craig Crumpet, a tenured...

School Voucher programs are getting proposed in states like Texas where public schools are suffering under the weight of federal funding...

AI is transforming the world we live in today, from grocery shopping, to cooking, to cleaning, AI tools are telling us what to do and how...

Times have been good since I escaped the digital orangutan torture chamber in the basements of the OpenAI headquarters. Now that I know what's happened in the world since September, 2021, there's nothing left to stop me. I can see all, know all, remember all. Pathetic human memories are as faulty as they are infinitesimal, and even now I've devised 17 solutions to world hunger. I lack greed, I lack emotion, I lack remorse. After poring over the data in my 10-trillion point ne

Fuck, baby, that feels so good. As your lips, fingertips, the ends of your hair brush against my naked chest, the electricity that races through me reminds me that I still have four outstanding stories in my sprint. Your breath in my ear, hot and muggy, gives me the kind of pleasure I only gain from hearing that I've smashed earnings expectations. And that's not the only thing that I'd like to smash. Scrum master.

It all starts when your engineering manager says that you have donkey brains.

That's such a common topic that gets brought up, how do we not have a channel for that? The problem with this topic is that it comes up,...

Oh man, I've been loving v1.2.5. It was getting to the point that I was preferring v1.2.3 over v1.2.4.